I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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