i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
well you can't waste a boner
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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