I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
