I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
