I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let's get the cat blown out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
