I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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