She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
