so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
