My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
