Do you still have your period?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
