We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
