i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
