just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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