he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
