I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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