her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
