My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
