I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
