Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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