so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
