do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The air taste purple.
Randomize
