Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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