she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
