I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
