I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
