Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
