My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
