I'm eating all of the evidence.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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