So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
