Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
