I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
