She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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