I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
