why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
