Acid is not a monday night drug
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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