Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Randomize
