I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
