o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
