I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
