At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
