Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
