Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
