If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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