Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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