you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
