Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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