now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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