if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
