I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
