You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
where are my eyebrows?
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