I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
