I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
