went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
